Welcome to the first installment of...
Teach in the Affirmative
An educators' guild to Talk in the Affirmative in the Classroom.
CONNECT IN THE AFFIRMATIVE
It is safe to say that after my
first full year teaching, I had some pretty great successes. Particularly
in regards to classroom management (student behavior), and state testing
results (all of my 8th graders passed the state ELA exam). As these successes are shared, other educators
ask me, "How did you do it?" or "What did you do?"
There is no one thing, and it is challenging to come up with one thing to share,
but I am certain that CONNECTING with my students was a major
factor...connections undergirded by LOVE.
The first and most important step
to connecting in any circumstance (granted sight is present) is to look your
kids in the eyes, each of them, and make sure they know that you see them. Show no fear of them. They are lambs at their best and we can help
them experience themselves at their best, especially if nobody else is helping
them in that way. I believe, it is
more about being someone they can want to BE like, than trying so hard to “guide”
them to be any particular way.
Most will respond to love,
kindness, generosity, listening, talking, encouragement, a smile, or a compliment. Most of the kids will be able to connect with the majority of the adult
population if they are connected with FIRST.
They are not taught to be or comfortable with being the lead in a situation
with an adult, no matter how “grown” they act.
Most often they learned what they
do from their intimate community. It is not WRONG if it is accepted in my community,
would make sense for them to believe. We
get to present alternatives and options and choices in an attractive way;
opposed to judgmentally. The kids have
to connect with why they are learning something. There is always a reason we are teaching or
doing something and we need to be clear on those reasons. If there is another state test after a series
of state tests, I may say to my students, “I think you have tested enough as
well (connecting with them), still it is a requirement and could work against you if you choose not to
do it or if you choose to do it with little to no effort, so give it your best
and just get it over with, please."
The world please goes a long way. When we use “good” words, kids want to be “good”. Some words they learned, as they were very
little, that are “good” are please, thank
you, pretty, cute, kind, nice, smart, fun, humorous (opposed to funny), and
cool. There is no guarantee that anything will work with everyone. Our individuality is as varied as our DNA. There may be those kids who have serious
psychological issues, or who have immense disregard for the rights of others to
learn and feel safe, they must be dealt with accordingly. We must fight like hell to make sure this is
a great exception!
Whatever we say to our kids must be
intentional. We must be able to explain
what we say and do. What way of being do
we need to be able to explain? CLARITY!
We need to be clear as to why. If
we are not intentional and are perhaps reactionary, our responses must be
authentic and we must be ready and willing to explain our reactions in relation
to life. For example, if a child pushes
my button so far that I react by saying, “I don’t care what you do” which is
probably true in the moment, but obviously not completely true,
I will explain that this is what happens in life when someone is trying to help
you. “If you continue to be dismissive,
disruptive, destructive, etc., people in your life will eventually throw up
their hands.” If we tell our kids we
don’t care what they do, we are, in their minds, telling them that we don’t
care about them. To a child, as with
most adults in my experience working with adults, often what he or she does is
a direct reflection of who he or she is.
As educators we are in a great position to teach our kids that they get
to make a choice in what they do; who they are!
